Since the start of this internship, a cloud of expectations looming over my head has brought a torrent of anxieties on me that I may not measure up to my “potential”.
This proverbial cloud formed by the same processes of the water cycle that keeps us alive on this earth: the evaporation of my own personal thoughts and drive to achieve, as well as the condensation from the constant questioning from peers and adults, “So what exactly do you want to do?” “Do you want to do broadcasting?” “You’ll be job-searching soon, huh?” It’s almost no wonder that kids out of high school or college are moving back home and working minimum wage jobs, and not because of a lack of potential or desire to be independent. Rather, I believe there’s this huge burden of expectations with weight after weight being piled on by professors, job fair exhibitors, parents, peers, self, even social media, etc. to know right now what you want to do for the rest of your life, to be making millions by age 30, and to have a spouse, 2 kids, and a golden retriever before you graduate. This intense weight is causing those in my generation to buckle under it, giving in to the easy road because if they don’t have a set plan (and I can assure you, none of us do), they’re terrified to risk everything and fail right out of school, be way behind on loan payments, and then feel like they let everyone down, especially themselves.
Of course this is an overgeneralization of a very diverse age group, but it’s an important lesson for anyone’s and everyone’s mental well-being. Personally, I have to find a happy medium between two extreme’s: resting in the knowledge that God has a plan and future already set for me that’s better than I could imagine for myself and pushing myself to keep working hard since laziness leads to mediocrity-a risk I’m not willing to take. The in-between I’m still trying to discover through the downpour trusts that He holds my future in His hands, but He can only steer a moving vehicle, so I need to be pursuing my dreams simultaneously.
My only real, broad goal in life is to love and serve people, making a positive impact on others because of what Christ has already done in my heart. That should really take a lot of the pressure off, so I can just live my life to honor Him and not worry about the “things” of this world that are temporary and fleeting. I focus a lot of my attention on future career and success, my personal image and how others see me, and checking that next adventure or experience off the bucket list. All are awesome, integral parts of life, but based on the stress it’s caused when I focus on only these things, I’ve come to realize how even more critical it is to make God my first priority. A little nugget of truth from Hillsong Church last night was that as we seek and learn God’s ways, we are able to discern His will for us. My “Reading through the Bible in a Year” begins again today.
I can’t lie; it’s been an intense thunderstorm in my mind as of late between the hot winds of fear and worry of the unknown future colliding with cool fronts of assurance because I know He’ll be faithful to me. That’s why I wrote this – to encourage my fellow floundering, confused people, at any age and stage of life, that He still has you. Those rainstorms will come when you don’t feel like you’re measuring up, you’ve failed, or you’re ready to throw in the towel. I say keep pushing, keep trusting, and buy an umbrella.
stay lovely (and dry),
the tall girl