Alright, I admit it. I’m that girl who does extra credit before the teacher even announces it, that girl who decorates her room with flowers and Eiffel Tower emblems, and Friday night “turn up” usually includes a steaming cup of chamomile tea and a Netflix show.
I’m that girl who nods along at church and in Bible study, as if I know exactly what the teacher at the front is talking about.
But not until recently had I experienced this new feeling that’s apparently common to many; an enveloping sense that I could psychologically comprehend yet not personally relate to based on personal experience.
What a painful word to even type out as I now have an understanding of its implications on the mind and soul. Nothing else quite depreciates the value we believe we have like shame. In a wave of feeling ashamed I can question the inherent worth I know deep down I have as God’s creation.
My goals become frivolous dreams in the wake of shame. My beliefs transform into irrational opinions. My femininity is objectified to mean nothing more than a subservient aide to man and even as a disadvantage to my success in a future career.
This is not a rant on feminism or anything, I promise; it’s merely a commentary on the human heart that I’ve recently noticed in myself and others around me. I read a quote on Pinterest the other day that said, “Shame says that because I’m flawed, I am unacceptable. Grace says that though I am flawed, I am cherished.” Though I am flawed, I am cherished. Shame tells me to hide my true self. Shame tells me to give up on a dream because I won’t achieve it. Shame assures me my worth is out the window because of a screw-up. Grace dispels shame in a moment of clarity where Christ’s sweet love envelops your entire essence and you’ve never felt so pure and clean in your entire life.
In this season of change and choices, shame has been right next to me, clinging to me, blinding my eyes from seeing truth. Yet I’ve found solace in quiet moments with God. I don’t know your story, lovely reader, but I hope you’ve managed to evade shame as I thought I had for 20 years (it was still there, I just finally acknowledged the role it was playing in my life). If you haven’t evaded this universal emotion, then I sincerely hope you’re able to seek solitude from the world-its pressures and noise and to-do lists. I pray you feel God’s grace cover your mind with a sense of perfection…for we are perfect as God’s redeemed children.
Now we just have to believe it and live like it.
the tall girl